29: you

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So I’ve started and stopped writing this post about four times in the last five minutes. That is a lot of backspacing, people.

I’m not letting myself restart again. I have to write it, even if it’s hard.

Because the truth is I’ve been struggling with this recently.

I’ve been struggling with me. How to take care of me when I’m taking care of everyone else. How to be happy amidst major changes in how our little life functions on a day to day basis. Life with two is harder then life with one.

It’s harder to get out and do things (especially when the littlest screams in the car).

It’s harder to get together with friends. It’s harder to get rest during the day of chasing a toddler (coordinated naps are a rarity).

It’s harder. You can fill in the blanks with what you like. It’s all a little more challenging and finding time to rest and do things that help you feel restored and positive about life is hard.

But it’s essential, ladies.

In order for our littles to learn good boundaries for their time, emotions, well-being, etc and stewardship of their love, abilities and everything else. For their attachment and all sorts of things.

It’s important that we are all there.

We have to take care of ourselves.

I’ll be honest with you. I’ve been having a hard time being happy this last little while. Maybe a few weeks. Not sure. I’ve just not been able to bounce back mentally like I did after Ranger. I get angry. I am frustrated more often then usual. And I’m angry. Did I mention that? That’s not normal for me. Everyone is getting the short end of the stick at this point in life.

Yesterday was encouraging for me though. We had our final postpartum visit and Ali’s six week (one week late!) appointment with the midwives. They take things very seriously and are careful to check up on the mom’s mental well-being as well as physical wellness throughout the entire pregnancy and postpartum time. Israel was able to come to this last appointment so he was in on that discussion about my current struggles. And that encourages me. That he is now more aware of things that I couldn’t really admit to before. He saw it, yes. And I knew it was there, yes. But having out in the open that I may have a touch of postpartum depression is good.
This isn’t me. “This isn’t Erika.”, they said.

Just having someone say that was a bit freeing.

So yeah. That’s my “stuff” right now.

When I outlined out this series a couple of months ago this wasn’t how this post was supposed to go.

Perkiness and a little self-centeredness seemed to be taking center-stage. But alas, God had other plans and knew there’d be something of note to say at this point in the series.

So self-care, Ladies. It’s not selfish. Believe that and I’ll be trying to learn it too.

—–
My list for toddler training and you:

  • get support.
  • Pay attention to what is working and what is not.
  • Strategize: involve your husband.
  • Phone a friend/Read books/talk to your mom about it
  • Rest and remove: Have grandma come over. Take a break. Eat chocolate.
  • Don’t compare.

The good you do today, will often be forgotten. Do good anyway. Give the best you have, and it will never be enough. Give your best anyway. In the final analysis, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway.”
-Mother Teresa

    I’ve been keeping a list of things that help me feel more positive when things are tough. And adding to it as I find more things that are helpful.

  • get out of the house. (Try not to think about the screaming. I mean be positive. Maybe she won’t scream?)
  • coffee/corn maze/movie with a friend
  • new clothes.
  • turn on some music (Ranger now asks for music everyday or anytime ti/’ not on already!)
  • sing
  • chocolate
  • put your hair up.
  • write.
  • play with your babies.
  • date night!
  • read a good fiction book
  • watch an inspiring documentary
  • pray
  • read your bible
  • make plans (about anything! Running and writing have been my two big planning points recently)
  • rearrange the furniture
  • take pictures
  • bake. Even if it’s from a box. Especially if it’s chocolate.
  • talk to people.
  • watch worthless humorful tv shows on Netflix. Seriously peeps. My sense of humor equals “Melissa and Joe” right now. Not perfectly clean, not bad. Just funny.

Oh and my three R’s are ‘writing, running and reading. If I’m not doing those, I’m in trouble.
—–
An excellent article on Simple Mom about taking care of YOU.
—–
How do you take care of you? How do you think this effects your kids?

Oh and my self-care nemesis is asking for help. Yours?

Thanks, all, for reading. :)

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14 thoughts on “29: you

  1. I have the hardest time making time for me. I too feel like sometimes it is selfish, but I have to drill into my brain that it isn’t selfish if I am making myself a better mom and wife. I’m not doing any one any good if I am cranky and frustrated,

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  2. It positives up my life too when we phone/talk. So I have to support those options for cheering up. And my youngest sibling used to be a ‘screams in the car child’, but she hardly ever does it anymore. ;)

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  3. I found things, both times, started getting waaay better after 6-7 weeks when the crazy postpartum hormones finally chilled out. This time around I dropped 80-90% of wheat at the three week mark and that was HUGEly helpful. We should talk. I should probably write an honest post one of these days here, but a conversation would probably work for now. <3

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    1. Tlaking is great. I stopped taking my vitamins and that seems to have helped a lot. Surprisingly. And it’s the 8 week point. So that could help. I might try dropping sugar at some point too..it seems like that could help… Though doing that right before the holidays could be a little nutso :o we shall see what is deemed necessary!

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  4. Following along and I feel for you as my youngest is 6 weeks as well. (I also have a 4 year old and 2 year old.)
    Something you might consider for your next birth (if you’re having another) is placenta encapsulation. I did it this time around and it has really done wonders for my energy levels and has helped with my mood as well.
    Hang in there! Going from 1 to 2 kids can be very challenging, learning how to juggle the needs of your littles (plus you!)

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  5. I’ve struggled with depression and it’s no fun. Realizing it, then talking about it with family, where huge steps in my recovery. Too bad I learned about it long after my babies – I suspect it lurked there then, too, and I didn’t recognize it. Hugs to you as you recover.

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