Tonight I made cookies just so I could eat the dough.

Yes, it was that kind of evening.

The kids are still (almost literally) bouncing off the walls.

But at least I have cookie dough.

And also 4 dozen baked cookies for when the going gets rough later this week. Or maybe just later this evening when this current sugar high wears off.

These days I don’t have my act together and this is directly related to how I feel about togetherness. Because: nothing fits into the puzzle that spells ‘perfect’ and ignoring imperfections (or life) is easier when you are alone.

Togetherness is hard and sometimes it’s easier to avoid it.

But sometimes we need it. Ok, maybe we need it more often than I’d like to admit.

I want everything to be easy. I don’t want to have to figure out how to help my kids not lose their shit monitor their emotions while visiting with friends. I don’t want to sit with other people’s emotions while at loss for what to say or do. I don’t want to risk trusting God for things I’m not even convinced need to happen. I don’t want to feel guilty and ashamed because I’m not to-standard. I don’t want to ask for help or admit I have needs. I don’t want to let people in to real life moments because then I might get hurt or disappointed or confused. Or have to think about it more than I want to.

Basically I want to be a machine while everyone else is human because sometimes that seems like where happiness is: controlled outcomes, predictable behaviors, automated updates. Yup, that’s where it’s at.

But all humor aside, the hardest thing about being human is being human with other people. But I have a feeling there’s more wholeness in humanity than an automaton.

Together, with these people who make me question myself and learn about pain or my own selfishness, is where I can really embrace the reality of life, whole life.

I might fight it. I might wish I could do it all myself or put on a shiny facade. I might stick a bandaid on it and tell myself everything would be better if I were a hermit.

But that’s life.

This life is together. It’s iron sharpening iron. It’s embracing each other’s gifts and callings. It’s arranging life and time to be whole together and apart. It’s growing more thoughtfully into who we are as we encounter the who of everyone else in our lives.

It’s growing, shaping, giving, taking, loving, living, being, breaking, building. Together.

For me.

This is how it is.

 

And cookies or wine whenever you need them, because life.

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We are switching to a twice monthly prompted linkup on the first and third Tuesdays of each month. Our next linkup will be on May 31st with a surprise and a chance to share a post (of yours or by someone else) you’ve loved this month. Sort of a free-for-all #wholemama roundup. :)

Our next prompted linkup is on June 7 with the word ‘play’.

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