I have high expectations for words.
I’ve always been more of a word person then anything else. I prefer written instructions, read eons of books, and have a distinct need to know my own life in a verbal fashion, as much as possible. I even learned an extra language. It’s just what I do.
I want language to tell all the stories my mind has not yet made sense of so I can then understand it better. This blogging thing makes sense for me. As a writer, I can spend a few minutes each day weaving meaning out of the threads of disarray and daily life. Leaning towards a feeling of arrival or completeness.
Someday I’d like to say I have it figured out, but every day brings more nuance or a whole plot twist. Throwing my little notions of how my world should be into a heap in the corner weeping their little notion eyes out. The sensible threads and buttons and zippers and needles never knew what hit them. (Excuse my punniness, I’m pretty sure I didn’t really drink my coffee, ahem.)
But, as I was saying, life changes. Even while I am still try to use my words to pin down the way it seemed before, it flits away – unconcerned with my attempts to turn its artful twists and twirls into an itemized check list with all the boxes reassuringly checked off, or even just something I can understand.
I’m learning that the beauty of these words here is the process. It’s not a how-to manual, a compilation of my final thoughts, or even a carefully arc-ed novel.
It is less than that, but more than that, as it allows me to believe I’m on my way to somewhere and these twists and turn will make sense in the full story, eventually. Meeting the very simple need to write and adapting my mind to the real and present story of right now.
For now, I am simply here and that’s enough.
Last year on this day I wrote this blessing – thank you for reading here.
“May our words come to reflect the goodness of the God who created beauty and us.
May we learn to recognize the beauty that fills our days and the gift of who we are in Christ.
May we open our hands and give ourselves the grace He already gave even in the midst of not living up to our own expectations.
May we reach toward each other with the soles of our feet and the souls of our lives planted in His goodness and not our own striving.
Peace and calm and joy to you, friends. A blessing on your coming days.”
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