When we are imperfectly whole {Whole Together Family 4/31}

I’ve spent most of my life improving things.

I am a One on the enneagram, even though often I wish I was an Eight or aspire to transform into a Five. I am a solid One. I improve, perfect, and rapidly assess situations and figure out what is wrong. I am not a technical perfectionist about as much any more, but I still get held back by that tendency to critique and perfect.

But let’s be clear: Whole doesn’t equal perfect.

The words seem close enough, but it’s not the same thing. Especially with people.

Part of being whole, is allowing the mess and imperfection in ourselves.

Being whole together means allowing imperfection in our people.

I struggle more with this one sometimes. I see how other people are not living up to my expectations and I expect them to change. I tend to assume I’m right, and to assume they could solve the problem if they just did it my way. I tend to assume the hurt is inflicted on purpose and that they should fix it.

Plus, when I feel wronged, I am passive aggressive super hero. Well, maybe a villain.

Part of my wholeness lies in realizing that my anger, my feelings, and my reactions belong to me. My people are not in charge of making me feel better. That’s between me and God. It’s not denying my needs or fears or hurt, but instead learning to acknowledge the source of discomfort and take that need for healing to God.

When I mentally release my people from any expectation that they are going to completely fulfill my needs, live up to my expectations, solve my pain, or heal my hurt, I can show up in the relationship in a way that reflects the love of Jesus a little more.

I can love them and allow them to be imperfectly whole, too.

– Extra thoughts –

Wholly imperfect together means:

resisting the urge to criticize.
acknowledging the reality of imperfection.
realizing we have different standards and expectations.
remembering our inner lives are unique and how we think about things is going to be different.
knowing our personalities are distinct.
creating room for differences of opinion.
consistently reaching toward each other.

What do you think about imperfection and wholeness? I feel like there is a lot of ground I could cover here, but it’s hard to speak about it specifically enough to make sense.

Also: imperfection and I go way back. Here are a couple posts from the archives :)

Messy Imperfections {#wholemama} in 2015
Beating Back Perfect – Books for the Journey in 2013. <— Excelllent books. I still think you should go read them all :)

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This month I am joining the #write31days community to explore the idea of the Whole Together Family because I believe we get be who God created us to be – together. Find the whole list posts here or click on the image.