I’m talking myself into it again.
Every day I feel like I find new layers of doubt dusting off contentment of apparent productivity to scream their discouraging thoughts across my interior existence.
“What are you even doing?” “Why try?” “Who are you to say anything at all and shouldn’t you just put the kids in school and get a grownup job already?”
I’m pretty sure I’m the only person my lack of resume bothers so I should really learn to let this go, but I’m in the habit of trying to fit my life into a box that feels fulfilling and approval worthy instead of simply throwing away the box and seeing how big life actually is.
Because throwing away the box is is easy.
Not so much.
But as in a proper battle, each day I face off doubt and imposter syndrome: stoically not enrolling my kids in a traditional public school, daily dusting off whatever dreams I have for myself, and persistently digging up some inspiration for my homeschool mama hat.
As best I can.
But not fully accompanied by anyone either.
I’m a grown adult living mostly independently of the normal daily routine of school or work, but I’m also teaching kids to ultimately thrive within it or choose their own concoction of everyday life, forging their own odd path through the expectations and structures of society.
And hopefully have enough resources and the abiltiy to form good relationships.
Just a small ask: three kids grownup lives.
That’s it. That’s all.
Thus my wavering levels of confidence.
But, the best thing I can do in the face of all the doubt and trepidation is to pull my hair back and start again. I can learn to trust the process of discovery and foundational explorations while not thinking too often past the present moment and iteration of our journey.
And if I falter in my trust, confidence, or gumption, we simply start again.
I’m linking up with the Five Minute Friday crew today to break my unintentionally quiet streak.
Have a happy weekend!
BTW – I never did send out the email with the giveaway winner I promised you! Coming soon. I’m going to learn to stop promising when. Haha. Just know that I’ll be drawing a winner (for the book Glorious Weakness by Alia Joy this month) from my email friends. So make sure you’re on the list. <3